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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?